Homunculi

(A little Full Metal Alchemist and 2 am rambles in my head. It could be a spoken word 'poem')

My personification of traits, dare I explore them, cherish and nurture them, and then let them go.

Each one of them is played by a beautiful woman: cunning and coy, unwavering.  Deep and honest, they pull me towards them and take me out of balance.  They are a projection of my own imperfections.

First is Passion: the reason, the motivation and medium. She carries with her my self expression and dreams and maybe even the future.  Oh, but she is fickle, her whims  are far between as she jumps between hearts and minds.  So many seek her, and she chooses her own simplicity.  She is an ideal, an unreachable goal, a perfection marred by its own perfection.  To let her go, means learning there is more to the world; to become humble. She is my Greed and my Pride

Second is Spirit: the free, the young, the rebel.  She is the dancer, body and untamed heart  She is my recklessness, restlessness and my deep gaze into the past while hurtling blindly into the future.  Even in a deep embrace she yearns for freedom.  And as she dances towards her comforts clinging to her desires, she lets me gaze for just a moment and follow her.  Setting her free will give me peace and serenity.  She is my Envy and Gluttony.

Third is Locus: the ground beneath my feet.  Deeply rooted in her traditions and a she reflects my own.  She is a rock, tough as nails yet still delicate as shale and easy to chip. She holds natures grace and the futures changes.  Her gravity is hard to escape.  Releasing her, I gain freedom and truth. She is my Sloth and my Wrath.

And the three are the Lust, piercing my heart,weakening my body and shaking my soul. As they disappear and fade, I gain my strength and fight.

By letting them go, I can become a better man, though more of a fool who's challenge is only fate.

My minds still racing, my body was racing, and theres still a little redbull,
My heart is still racing
Im home
The spirit is jaded, the flowers are withered, and still not delivered
But i found some escape, on the road i was speeding
My mind was clear, just because it had to, else i would crash
Into lights i cant see, my vision is fading
But im not complaining about the hairs that are greying
And contemplating, and my mind is debating
What my heart has been choosing, and what the universe is playing
Am i still chasing, can i keep running
And ive been distracted, but i need that distraction
I have to think of construction, to a work that precedes me
So im just trying to empty
The words that are just coming to me so i can sleep like baby
I just want to come down, ever so slowly,
Trying not to feel lonely
But soon i can dream, on my bed so comfy
When i am without me
And just sleeping soundly.

isnt this?

Isn't this what we romantics do?
wallow in our sorrows and drown in our bleeding hearts
and do we not as poets
write passage and prose on page upon page to keep from falling apart?
oh there are no tears
just letters and ink stained on digital parchment
and pieces of ourselves
buried deeper and deeper within our souls compartments
So to not give up the likes
of  romance and love and poetry and faith
is just what we romantics do
with restless hearts, spoken words, and utmost grace

slowly, deliberately
my fingers caress her curves
gently, with care
with passion, each press
massaging, inviting
gazing deeply with each turn
finishing, completing
she is satisfied

Anymore, Rant exerpt

And to tell the truth it'd all just words, we need some action, maybe i'd know if you'd let me hold you, but just know it's not to control you, it's just for me to see if you're a blade that would cut me, and its cruel of life to put you in front of me.  

kiss me again

my lips are so dry no drink of water could wet them

and no refreshing bit of liquid could quench a hollow thirst
there is a simple sensation that they have long forgotten
and even that small feeling they may be cursed
its been so long that i've forgotten the feeling
that electric vibe that went up and down my spine
yet the last few i've had didnt even have meaning
even then they were enough to ease my mind
but in my dreams i am only incompletely satisfied
that my dreams touch my lips the way i've dreamed at night
but once i wake i'm then again denied
lest my thirst again keeps me awake by the moonlight
      so kiss me again whoever you may be
      kiss me again, and i'll never go thirsty

july 2004

i just wanna dance. 

i wanna find a stranger and slow dance to the melody of a saxophone player in central park.  i wanna pick her up above my head and make believe she's soaring, only to bring her down so she can glide upon this earth with her grace.  i wanna turn and spin, and cha-cha and salsa and doo wop.  i wanna flip and flick my fingers, tip and tap my toes to that jimmy jazz razz matazz. then swirl and sway to the rock and roll like axl rose in a sweet child o' mine, bring me some rhythm n rhyme while i tango with a rose between my teeth, and that mango beat in my ears.  hit the boogie to the woogie, shake rattle and twist with that 50's mix.  and disco in the city bistro with this lady whoz just as crazy with her hips, and i'm staring at her lips as she sings that r&b flava in my ear, tellin me that she wants me with her eyes and she moves in mysterious ways and i chase that kitty kat way.  i wanna slow dance on the platform of the 7 train in grandcentral station to that waltz for zizi. i wanna take her on a sweet sweet fantasy.  and court her as a rooster courts his hens, in my traditional clothes, i wanna expose my emotions as i stomp and flip my flops over bamboo sticks, and that manilena dip.  and with my romantic flair, i'll sit in my chair and sing her a serenade, then its lady marmalade, pardon my french, lets dance on this bench.  i just wanna dance in the reality that is only the dance floor, forgeting it all, its utopia in the rhythm, hypnotic in the transitions, theres no inhibitions. i just wanna dance

June 2005